Topshop Terror

Why must I have such average sized feet?!

I was in Topshop last week and fell in love with the above shoes, a pair of glittery wedges, two pairs of ankle boots and some ballerinas YET they were only available in a minuscule size 3 or a dragalicious size 8/9.

AND they were all mega cheap too at £10ish a pop - why must you hate my average sized feet Topshop? TBF it's all because the good shoes do go out first thing in the sale in the normal sizes but I don't want them when they first go in the sale as they are at stupid prices then.

Oh well i'll just have to live my life without an XL pom-pom'd pair of satin slippers.

Netflix United KingDUMB

Life isn't fair.

While the US Netflix gets Mean Girls, FRIENDS and WWE documentaries, us poor bastards over the pond get stuck with Mean Girls 2, Educating Yorkshire and 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain. 

Yes, I do have a proxy so I can watch all the USAmazingness but this doesn't stretch to my iPad and TV so i'm stuck with watching The Office US again and again and again as it's the only decent show on there. 

Arsene's Anorak

It makes him look quite the fool.

I do love Arsene, he's dead cute but he needs to either get a big warm wooly coat or get a slip on puffa jacket with no zip!

It makes me sad when he fails to zip it up properly or can't find his pockets and just has to stand there freezing - he could catch a bad cold being like 80-years-old.

I know he has a new jacket by Puma which does zip up with no hitch - but i'm sure he's already failed with that one too - poor bloke :(

Clumsy Channy

It's not like I'm especially long-limed or have XL feet. 

Yet why am I so incredibly clumsy? Today I managed to have two spectacular falls within two hours. 

The first I tripped over in town and then heard a chav go "Ahhhhh did you see her fall over?!" *CRINGE* then the second time I was carrying some business cards down the stairs and I fell down the steps and dropped loads ALL OVER - double cringe.

I wish I could just stay upright! 

Lana Del WTF?!

No, baby girl, no. 

Under any normal circumstance, Lana Del Rey is FLAWLESS with her 60's rocker boho babe vibe but then she turned up to the 2015 Golden Globes in whatever this get-up is!

She looks like an armature drag queen who hasn't learnt how to contour properly yet, thinks bigger is better when it comes to hair extensions and picked up the cheapest tackiest dress they could find in Lipsy.

Please LDR, for the sake of us all, pull yourself together for your next red carpet soiree. 

Wherefore Art Thou J.Law?

Oh J Law, J Law, wherefore art thou J Law? 

Where has she vanished too?! She hasn't popped up anywhere during the awards season in a Dior gown at all and it's making me upset :( 

Please attend the Oscars J Law or what's the point in living anymore?! 

What A C**t

I can't believe I used to look up Perez Hilton.  

He's one of the reasons why I got into journalism, I used to worship PerezHilton.com and would jump for joy every time I got a FIRST comment and when he popped up on Celebrity Big Brother I was megz excited. 

But then well ya'll seen what he's like and now he's all the way down there with Beyonce (who he loves so another reason why to hate him.)

I just hope when he leaves the house he realises everybody hates him and just vanishes off the place off the planet and lets Holy Moly reign supreme for all the latest gossip about z-list celebs we don't care about.

Under Pressure

Every other Sunday I will bring you a guest post, my first ever post is from the ever so cute Annaliese Porritt... 

Being in Y6 is quite hard with all the pressure of being at the top of the school and every one looking up to you - as we are told a hundred times a day! Personally I think it is the toughest year, that’s why I look forward to playtime so I can relax.

However, our lower KS1 think of it as a time of fun and play and run riot! While, I do agree they should have fun they keep barging into everyone which results into a painful accident for the unexpected Y6 – INCLUDING ME.

We then have to explain to the teacher why we suddenly have a huge bump/bruise/gouge only to get told: “Just run it off” or “Put a wet paper towel on it” they then take a quick glance and move on to the next victim in line – we deserve better!

 Thank you for reading, Annaliese Porritt, 11.

Hoover Horror

As Balo would say Why Always Me?

Whenever I hoover the stairs with the hosey thing the hoover itself always tumbles down and bashes me on the head mega hard WITHOUT FAIL.

I really need to learn some hoover techniques, or just let Benny do it, I prefer the latter.

CelebriWHO?!

Who the hell are Alexander O'Neil and Jeremy Jackson?! 

Seriously, does anybody know? Back in the day Celebrity Big Brother used to have legit celebs like Michael Barrymore and Mark Owen - now they have tarts from MTV shows nobody watches and some washed-up singer from the 90s.

Hey Endemol, i've been in my local newspaper a few times and people know who I am and are all like HEY CHANTAL (this has legit happened to me at last five times) so surely that's more then enough to get me a spot on next year's show?

Bore-Off Bony

Just, don't even NO. 

I'm not even going to waste words on this traitor so bye bye Bony have fun sitting on the bench at Man City for the rest of your playing career. 

It's alright mate i've already replaced you on my Fantasy Football team with the much prettier Gomis so off you toddle.

Music AficioNOdos

"I wasn't born in the 80s so I don't know any songs." 

REALLY?! I hate it when the kids on X Factor spout this nonsense - if this was the case for everyone I wouldn't have anything on my iPod to listen to! 

If they were such music aficionados they would go back in music history and listen to GOOD music rather then bumming Adele, Rihanna and the dreaded Beyonce.  

Get a life and a decent Spotify playlist. 

Crustless Chaos

Crustless quiche's aren't QUICHE at all. 

The crust is the best bit! Why would you deprive yourself from the flaky amazigness. 

Just no. 

Sliders

Please just slide off a cliff. 

Now, I do like me an ugly shoe but if the God that is Karl Lagerfeld can't even make me like something then you know it's bad. 

I just don't see the love for them and Glamour had the cheek to say pair them up with a wooly sports sock for good measure - ER NO TA, I would rather watch a Beyonce concert, okay maybe not that dramatic but you get where i'm coming from.

Pass me a Valentino Rockstud any day of the week please.  

Too Much

Too much of something is bad enough.

I have more fashion and lifestyle magazines then I have sense and that's what I am hating on/stressing about today. 

There's just too many to go through and not enough time and once I think it gets to a manageable level my three subscriptions (Elle, Glamour, Cosmo) come sliding through the letterbox. 

That Marie Claire down at the bottom there is from JUNE 2013 - but the thing is I can't bear to throw any of them away because WHAT IF there's something amazing on P362 of Vogue US March 2014?! 

Beyonce

I just don't understand the love. 

Her fashion sense is totes fug, her lyrics make NO sense (To the left, to the left, everything you own in the box to the left LOL WUT?) and worst of all she wears trainers made from poached elephant skin, which is quite frankly utterly disgusting. 

Even if she killed Obama, The Queen and a bunch of babies while off her face on acid people would still call her Queen Bey and praise her. 

Following The Money

Footballers who follow for money and not their hearts!

I hate it when players leave smaller clubs to go to 'bigger' clubs knowing fine well that they won't even end up on the bench once they get there.

Yes, you may get a few more dolla in your pay check but you also never get a worthwhile game and you break millions of fan's hearts around the world while doing so.

I'M LOOKING AT YOU REMY, VORM AND POTENTIALLY MY MAIN MAN BONY.

If Bony leaves Swansea to go to Man City, I will kill myself.