You're Not The Bloody Queen

You work in Tesco as a Part-Time cashier assistant... 

Went to go get a lottery ticket but got ID'd because of my baby face so my boyfriend went to go get one instead and proceeded to show his 27-year-old ID BUT got refused as he was with me! 

Surely common sense would prevail and realise that he wouldn't be going out with a 15-year-old though....

I've had beef with this lass before though, she thinks she owns the joint just because she works a minimum wage job after finishing school with no GCSEs. 

Patriotism

Just stop already please with all this AMERICA IS THE BEST business. 

I was simply watching some MLS but you'd be forgiven for thinking they were knighting a new President the way they went on - the military was there in all their garb, they were singing the national anthem, there was a huge flag and even a few fireworks thrown in for good measure. 

Why must yanks he so annoyingly patriotic though? There's nothing to be even proud of! 

Boo You Easter!

As usual I leave everything until the last minute...

In January I spotted the Easter eggs I wanted - Terry's Choc Orange, Lindt and a posh Tesco one but of course when I went in to go buy them yesterday all that was left was those horrible character ones where the chocolate is the worst taste ever.

In the end I just bought a Terry's Choc Orange instead which was a lot cheaper and I got a lot more choc too but that's not the case in point!

Chuggers

God, they are annoying. 

Why are Chuggers (charity muggers) so ANNOYING?! I'm just going on with my life rushing to Primark before it closes and here they are with all the fakest pleasantries in the world. 

Luckily I have a baby-face so can get away with saying i'm 17 (i've been saying this for 8-years now) so they immediately stop talking to me and move onto the next defenseless person when they realize they won't be able to get a commission out of me. 

One time I was on my bike before having a nice ride while listening to my music (yes i'm dangerous like that) and one stepped out in front of me on purpose so I had to stop or risk crashing! HOW RUDE IS THAT.

Plus they all wear fugly clothes and have bad hair so that irks me even more.

Cheap Digs

There's nothing right with him is the? 

Dear Dave, you have the attention of the whole of the UK when you dissolved parliament on Monday but instead of trying to persuade people to vote for the tories by telling us what you are going to do for the country you decide to pick on the lovely Ed instead!

This further puts me off you (I didn't even think I could hate him more then I already do) and makes me want to see you fail EVEN MORE.

FU DAVE, FU.

Goats

Goats are horrible little things...

There's nothing right with them, their little tiny hooves are stupid and so are there little tiny horns.

I proper hate them plus they stink to high-heavens.

APRIL FOOLS!!!! I LOVE GOATS REALLY, THEY ARE MY FAV ANIMAL. AWWWWWW. 

Fairweather Fans

This blog is brought to you by the iconic Italian football writer Dave Taylor... 

One of my pet hates is football fans that do not support the clubs of their hometown.

For instance if you are born in Hartlepool you support Hartlepool and if you are lucky to be born in Middlesbrough you are or should be a fan of the “Boro”.

Of course there are severe abnormalities and personally one particular couple I know, both born within the sounds of the ‘Boro’ roar, support Swansea and Spurs.

Of course the biggest ‘fiends’ from this perspective are Manchester United fans, who appear to have a bigger fan base south of Watford rather than their own hometown.

Yet over and above all this are Juventus fans. With the majority of Turin’s fans supporting Torino, Juve tend to take many of their fans from the provinces and Edinburgh.

Of course every young boy likes to support a winner which is understandable but surely these “fair-weather” fans should grow out of this but in reality they don’t.

In Italy clubs like Juve, Milan and Inter have a stupid amount number of fans outside their own cities, which for me is unhealthy.

In Sicily for instance, an island that has three top teams Catania, Palermo and Messina, the most popular club was always Juventus, even if it played over a thousand kilometers away. Fair-weather fans or not?             

Fake Festivellers

I hate it when girls who usually wear Fugg Boots and Leggings throughout the year suddenly boho themselves up because they are going to a festival. 

Even worse then them are the shops and magazines that tell them they MUST wear fringe, a hat and denim shorts or else you might as well not turn up. 

Just wear whatever you want to wear - you should never have to adhere to other people, wear your North Face jacket all you want then laugh at others as they shiver in their crochet kimono! 

2 Broke Girls

How can people watch this trash? 

Two Broke Girls is completely centred around the brunette having big boobs - so what? My dark-haired mate Kara has a good rack yet doesn't go on about it for every minute of the day like Kat Dennings does.

Get some new material already. 

Miranda

This show is basically just a woman who has a mans body falling over all the time. 

I constantly fall over all the time and I have broad shoulders - I wonder if the BBC would give me a show? 

Mrs Brown's Boys

   

How did this even get onto TV in the first place?! 

And how the hell do people find it funny?! Everything about it is backwards - it needs to go back to the 1970s with On the Buses and Rising Damp. 

I watched part of it once by accident and the main character broke the 4th wall to which I thought I must be walking an out takes show but no it was the actual show! 

It legit is When The Whistle a Blows from Extras - canned laughter and all. 

Plus whenever Benny's mam watches it she cackles like a witch while I'm trying to sleep. 

Stars In Their Eyes 2015

I am OBSESSED with the old-school Stars In Their Eyes.

From the million and one Chris de Burgh impersonations to Matthew Kelly's funky waistcoats to the cheesy-as theme tune, I just love everything about it!

So when I found out it was coming back I was SO SO SO excited (a bit angry too as I never got to take part - my Kanye West impression is the best) but then it was the worst remake EVER!

I'm still soooo angry at it's patheticness that I can't even talk/type about it without going CRAZY so i'll shush.

Eastenders

I do actually like Eastenders... 

What I don't like is that as a newish fan I have NO IDEA whose related to who and who has history with who and they never ever explain it.

The writers just expect you to have been watching it daily from 1985 and take it for granted that you know Sonya's past like the back of your hand. 

Golden Balls

I hate this show for the same exact reasons why I hate Deal or No Deal except swapping out Noel Edmonds for Jaspar Carrott. 

Deal Or No Deal

I hate this show with a vengeance. 

A) Noel Edmonds hosts it and he's a right weirdo

B) There's no questions - how dare they call it a quiz show when there's no skills needed except for pointing
C) Everyone has a bloody sob story. 

I WISH IT WOULD JUST END. 

Mac Off

People who use Macs to be trendy. 

At my old job I was left computerless for nearly 3-years thus having to use terrible old macbooks or bring my own in (shocking I know considering everything I do is digitial and online based.)

During that time I found an amazing PC Desktop which was a really good price and had a a great spec but because it wasn't a Mac and didn't fit in with all the other Macs in the office I wasn't allowed to get it. 

Yes they look nice and that but really so what?! I would rather have something I can work on thanks. 

Mind Yo' Own Biz!

Nosy bastards. 

I'm sick of people looking through our window whenever they go past the house and judge me for sitting in my PJs at 3pm on a Saturday and scoffing down shortbread. 

Why must they look in? Then why must they be like urgh look at her? It's my house, i'll do what I want - next time i'll put something horrible in the room then you'll never look again!

Wouldn't mind that cute little squirrel up there looking through though awwww. 

Hoe Halloween

DOROTHY DIDN'T EVEN WEAR THAT!

Hoe Halloween costumes annoy me enough in the first place as girls think they can just get their tits and ass out just because it's Halloween but the one that REALLY annoys me is the Dorothy Gale costume. 

Don't make her sexy, leave her be, Toto didn't even get carried in her basket when she had her ruby slippers - it's all wrong! 

Socks Suck

You can't move in my house without coming across a lone sock.

They are EVERYWHERE - behind the sofa, in the bathroom, in the kitchen, it's all Benny's fault though, you never see a Hogwarts sock its always a sports one. 

But this problem isn't just me, it seems that all my friend's other half's love leaving their socks everywhere too - it must be in the genetics. 

Broken Beyond Belief

I HATE MY CLOTHES RAILS. 

Yes I probably do have too many clothes on them thus why they break like every day but then Benny's rail has hardly any on and that one loves to slide down every five minutes.

Yes, I could just get a wardrobe but I don't think a double wardrobe would fit all my clothes in considering I need two and 1/2 rails just for my clothes and wardrobes aren't as wide as my rails.

I JUST NEED A DRESSING ROOM ALREADY., 

Damp

Okay, ours isn't that bad but it was the first one on Google. 

Plus it's not necessarily actual damp I hate, it's the fact that we found damp behind our bed so we had to move the WHOLE bedroom around which was annoying and took ALL evening - all I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep but no I had to move all my clothes from rail to bed to rail (and watch them break in the meanwhile!) 

I CAN Believe It's Not Butter

The thing is though, I CAN believe it's not butter. 

Butter is like one of the most delicious tastes in the world especially on a piece of wholemeal toasted bread but this crap is the worst taste in the world - I don't even know where they got off trying to claim that it tastes like butter, they are either crazy or I just have extraordinary taste buds. 

Kitten Heels

Septuple Urgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cardigans

Hextuple Urgh.

Michael Kors

Quintuple Urgh. 

Leggings

Quadruple Urgh. 

Puffa Jackets

Treble Urgh. 

Bootcut Jeans

Double Urgh.

Ugg Boots

Urgh. 

UTIs

Why must my body hate me so much and give me a bloody water infection?

You can't go anywhere as you need to pee every five minutes, you can't get stuck into a piece of work because you need to get up and go to the toilet every five minutes and you can't go five minutes without popping a paracetamol because your lower back is in soooo much pain.

JUST BEGONE ALREADY. 

Blue Bics FTW

I hate any pens that aren't blue Bics. 

What's even the point of using a crappy pen that you don't enjoy when you can use a pen you love, I always have at least 3 Bics on me at all times (just in case anybody asks for my autograph.) 

Thru You

I don't hate Drive Thrus - I hate the people who use them as a matter of life or death.

Whenever I go by McDonalds on a Friday evening the line for the drive thru is like a MILE long as opposed to inside the actual restaurant where there's like two people waiting in line - just park up, get off your arse and go inside! 

Toast

I love it really, but last night I ate 3 slices of a toast STUPIDLY thinking that it would count as a meal and fill my belly - IT DIDN'T. 

Poor Pluto

Awwww, I feel so sorry for Pluto on the counts that he isn't recognised as a planet anymore - DAMN YOU SPACE DECIDERS I HATE YOU FOR BEING CRUEL TO LITTLE PLUTO. 

Slugs

I hate them so much that I didn't even want to Google them to find a picture as they gross me out.

What's even the point of slugs? What do they bring to the world? Oh I know, NOTHING.

Monday, Monday

I love my new job (Marketing Manager of a shopping centre) so I don't hate coming into work on a Monday (like I used to at my previous job) but Mondays should be a day of relevant ease. 

I hate those type of people who think Monday is a Friday and are too excited and too OTT - please leave me alone with my coffee until at least 11am and then you can start chatting at me animatedly. 

Basic Bitches

Will basic bitches ever stop being so basic?!

Go Wild

When people get one set of partial blonde highlights and think they have changed their hair MEGA style - guurrrlll go from mid-length ginger locks to a short black bob all in one sitting, then get back to me. 

Nail Art

Oh god, don't even get me started or we'll be here forever. 

Twilight

Again, never watched/read it and never will watch/read it - why would you waste your time on Twilight when you can watch and read Harry Potter?! 

The Notebook

Never watched it and never will. 

Romance films are the worst kind of films, why would you ever want to make yourself cry on purpose?! 

Still obsessed with Ryan Gosling though. 

Pumpkin Crap

Pumpkins aren't even good on Halloween...

You can never carve them out to a good enough standard, they taste like YAK yet everybody is obsessed with pumpkin everything - that's why I hate them. 

Yankee Candles

What does 'Be Thankful' even smell of? 

Why have they all got such pretentious names, cost sooo much and smell of yak? Just pass me an air freshener please. 

Topshop Terror

Why must I have such average sized feet?!

I was in Topshop last week and fell in love with the above shoes, a pair of glittery wedges, two pairs of ankle boots and some ballerinas YET they were only available in a minuscule size 3 or a dragalicious size 8/9.

AND they were all mega cheap too at £10ish a pop - why must you hate my average sized feet Topshop? TBF it's all because the good shoes do go out first thing in the sale in the normal sizes but I don't want them when they first go in the sale as they are at stupid prices then.

Oh well i'll just have to live my life without an XL pom-pom'd pair of satin slippers.

Netflix United KingDUMB

Life isn't fair.

While the US Netflix gets Mean Girls, FRIENDS and WWE documentaries, us poor bastards over the pond get stuck with Mean Girls 2, Educating Yorkshire and 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain. 

Yes, I do have a proxy so I can watch all the USAmazingness but this doesn't stretch to my iPad and TV so i'm stuck with watching The Office US again and again and again as it's the only decent show on there. 

Arsene's Anorak

It makes him look quite the fool.

I do love Arsene, he's dead cute but he needs to either get a big warm wooly coat or get a slip on puffa jacket with no zip!

It makes me sad when he fails to zip it up properly or can't find his pockets and just has to stand there freezing - he could catch a bad cold being like 80-years-old.

I know he has a new jacket by Puma which does zip up with no hitch - but i'm sure he's already failed with that one too - poor bloke :(

Kids These Days

Lazy little so and sos. 

When I travel into work I have to go past Macmillan (Macmillan CTC represent!) and yes it's nice going by and remembering all the fond memories of times gone by BUT the traffic is HELL. 

Rather then the simple 20-minute journey of a Saturday afternoon it instead takes 50 minutes to get to work and all because there are SOOOOO many parents dropping off their kids in the car.

BACK IN MY DAY we would either get the school bus, the public bus (which had significantly better people on it S.O to Katie, Kirsty and Sarah Lui!) or even.......... walk *gasp/shock horror!*

No wonder kids are obese if they are getting dropped off door to door everyday and then give BS reasons to get out of PE (although playing hocky on astro turf in the middle of winter is plain torture so I can't blame them for that.) 

Clumsy Channy

It's not like I'm especially long-limed or have XL feet. 

Yet why am I so incredibly clumsy? Today I managed to have two spectacular falls within two hours. 

The first I tripped over in town and then heard a chav go "Ahhhhh did you see her fall over?!" *CRINGE* then the second time I was carrying some business cards down the stairs and I fell down the steps and dropped loads ALL OVER - double cringe.

I wish I could just stay upright! 

Lana Del WTF?!

No, baby girl, no. 

Under any normal circumstance, Lana Del Rey is FLAWLESS with her 60's rocker boho babe vibe but then she turned up to the 2015 Golden Globes in whatever this get-up is!

She looks like an armature drag queen who hasn't learnt how to contour properly yet, thinks bigger is better when it comes to hair extensions and picked up the cheapest tackiest dress they could find in Lipsy.

Please LDR, for the sake of us all, pull yourself together for your next red carpet soiree. 

Wherefore Art Thou J.Law?

Oh J Law, J Law, wherefore art thou J Law? 

Where has she vanished too?! She hasn't popped up anywhere during the awards season in a Dior gown at all and it's making me upset :( 

Please attend the Oscars J Law or what's the point in living anymore?!